#Francie girl i love the energy but I need a source other than your beautiful beautiful mind

[thewalrusespublicist]

Obviously there's no way to KNOW this, but what do you make of Francie Schwartz's claim of finding a love letter from Brian to Paul? I've seen it mostly brushed off as a lie or misunderstanding, which is where I tend to fall on it myself, but I am a bit fascinated by which of Schwartz's claims people believe vs. the ones that people don't!

Hi anon,

Great question! Ngl I respect Francie's grind as a committed, decades long hater but as a source? HMMMMM...

As with any source you've got to think of two main things. One: is the story itself plausible? and two: is the source reliable and if so, why/why not and how would that affect the telling.

So first, is the story plausible, i.e is it possible that Brian had feelings for Paul? IMO, yeah! Paul was stupidly handsome, they had gotten a lot, lot closer as time had gone on and he had the combination of charm and edge that Brian liked in a man. Okay great, but would Brian send a letter like that? Well, it would be inadvisable, unprofessional and high-risk but Brian was a bit of a emotional mess at this point in time and the Spanish trip with John hadn’t exactly been the best idea either. So considering the people involved, both main elements of the story are plausible.

But then Francie, whooo boy Francie. Francie is not exactly a McCartney stan account shall we say,nor is she consistent. From the off Francie never liked Paul (fair, sounds like a nightmare boyfriend), loved John and Yoko and recounted her time with Paul with Goldman levels of contempt. Part of this contempt and attempt to skew things to make Paul seem 'lesser' than John is to use that old tactic of framing Paul as submissive and feminine/non-masculine. Paul has gotten doughy and out of shape, John is the king and Paul is his 'princess' and if Paul has a love letter from Brian, it implies things about Paul in the 60s stereotype of gay/subject of male affection = weak and effeminate. So with this motive and framing in mind, it would make sense for Francie to potentially skew some facts to fit her presentation.

So known bullshitter Paul hater with an axe to grind Francie tells a theoretically plausible story that at the same time would promote her own agenda. How straightforward/s.

On the balance of probability and based on Francie not actually being able to actually come up with any contents of the letter, I think the most plausible scenario is either Francie, uhm, embellishing the truth or seeing an affectionate letter and reading into it because how could anyone possibly be that fond of Paul? (quick make sure nobody tells her about how her tough-guy hero John feels about him...). Of course probability doesen't always equal truth and who knows, she may have stumbled on a minefield in the glove compartment of the Aston martin but that's my reading of the situation.

Now what I really want to know is if she is foundational and sole source for the John's princess thing and is the person that Yoko overheard and the 'Apple to the Core' people interviewed or if she's repeating office gossip that made it to Yoko and the writers ears independantly. Because how the hell that quote became something that is found consistently in sources throughout time is a mystery I'm dying to solve.

[miniskirtday]

Response to AMA.

A few days ago I received an AMA. I responded that I wanted to take some time to think about it. Unfortunately, tumblr seems to have deleted the post! [GRRR] As I don’t remember the name of the one who asked, I am going to post here. I am paraphrasing the question to protect the sensitivity of the question [& I don’t remember the exact words. :-)] But first, to the original author: I’m terribly sorry I wasn’t more careful w/ your AMA. How do I encourage my wife to be more engaging sexually?

The original question was more specific to many ideas that I write about in my feed, but since I’m making this open to everyone I am making it a bit more general.

The “too long; didn’t read” version is this: I can only tell you about my journey. I have tips & resources at the bottom that I hope can help you better. At least they did for us.

Here is why that question is hard for me. If I were to go back in time to a younger me & tell me just how damaging my thoughts on sex were to my marriage, I’m not so sure I would believe myself. I had to hit a pretty hard low in order for the truth to hit me. I had to come to the realization that marriage is hard & I have to be just as proactive & engaged in working to build it as he was. I had to make myself realize that serving my husband visually, sexually, and physically was a ministry of service to him, our marriage, & then to myself.

It wasn’t immediate. It took time before my husband began to have a desire to serve me & my needs for emotional & spiritual connection. It wasn’t until that healing began that I could properly express my desires for him to step up & lead the family in the way that I & the children needed him to.

For some time, I worked HARD to serve him w/ little of my needs met in return. It’s tough work to kill it in the gym & lead a healthy lifestyle. It’s tougher to do that & raise young children. To add to that the time & energy to shave my legs daily & dress in ways that were visually appealing to him was a massive task. But all of that & then to give my body to him as well? There were days I wondered if it was worth it at all.

Now I know that YES! It IS worth it! Once hubby & I were communicating in love [& not yelling] we realized we work together quite well as a team. He leads the family as we need him to [including spiritually], & he seeks to meet my needs for our emotional connection. I seek to be a #VisuallyGenerousWife for him. As a family we are leading a more fit & healthy life which is great as we have support & encouragement w/ each other.

But I still have to work at sex. A lot. It is hard to push out distractions of the day some times. I have to force myself to learn & discover sex. While it has gotten SO much easier to enjoy [& I do enjoy it], it still doesn’t come as naturally as it does him. His drive is just much higher. I also had a LOT of garbage anti-sex rhetoric when I was younger [which I have ranted on in past posts]. It took SO much work for me to relax & begin to explore my sexuality w/ my hubby. But I learned so much when I finally did.

Honestly, one of the things that freaked me out at first but ended up being such a blessing, was when we made a rule together that basically said “In me, or on me.” I wanted to be a part of his every orgasm to better understand his drive. I knew he masturbated & it irritated me but mostly because I didn’t understand his need for release 3+ times a week. The first few times were awkward & near embarrassingly painful. I was terrible at providing visual stimulation & just laid there quiet & motionless [Please wives, don’t EVER do that!]. He felt just as awkward as I did. But we soon realized that I didn’t want to just be present, I wanted to be engaged & he NEEDED me to me engaged even if it was as simple as a smile & a wiggle of the hips. I found that I loved how much he adored me & looked forward to the times when I would tease him. He loved watching me dance & be provocative. It took SO LITTLE work on my part & we felt so much closer together as we cuddled in his post-masterbation-orgasm. On nights when I did want to have sex, that closeness was even sweeter.

If you don’t want to read about more “non-traditional” sex acts, please just skip this paragraph. The next step we took was when I let him pleasure himself w/ my legs. I work HARD to keep them looking good & I work HARD to keep them smooth. Yeah! Of course I want him to enjoy them! He’d better enjoy them every day for the work I put into them!! But especially on the days when I don’t want sex! It was such an easy next step as it required nothing more then what I was already doing, keeping my legs pleasurable. He did the work & we shared in the beautiful bonding after. [It took a while to go from ‘this is kind of weird’ to ‘this is really kinky & really hot that my hubby gets so excited about me’]. Another example. If you were to go back to me just before I got married & that me was to be told “You are going to absolutely adore the sexual pleasure your husband gives your ass that you are actually going to excitedly long for it” I can promise you I would’ve been so freaked out that I would’ve run away & never married. The abusive religious stigma that was my sexual education would’ve parallelized me even thinking about such a “degrading” act. Instead, it started w/ a post-gym-squat-challenge massage that felt amazing & I wanted more. 6 months later, I was craving his touch on my cheeks as we moved into exploratory. A YEAR & 9 months after the massage that it was sexual & the lies of my past were shattered when I said “How have we missed out on this for so long?!”

Here’s the thing, going from my “Good girls don’t do that” to “sex is fun” to “#MarriedSexRocks” to “Including non-traditional sex which can be delightful!” isn’t small steps. I don’t think there is any way you could have convinced the younger me to make those leaps. It absolutely is, in my opinion, “a journey of a thousand miles begins w/ one step.” I could NOT HAVE EVER allowed such things to happen if I didn’t absolutely trust my hubby, & it took us a lot of time, effort, & hard work to build that relationship to that point.

Back to the original question: How do I encourage my wife to be more engaging sexually? First, realize that women don’t have the same sex drive as men. Rude jokes, crude statements, & lewd behavior doesn’t work on us. The VAST majority of us need to have an emotional connection.

Second, if a woman doesn’t feel emotionally, financially, & physically secure, it is going to be harder for her to open up & relax. Establish trust & work to meet her needs. Trust me. This isn’t easy. This is hard. This is a lot of work. But it is worth it. The bonus, this is essentially a HUGE step of foreplay for a woman. Third, talk about sex freely. Get over the embarrassment. Have honest conversations about what you each want. Don’t be pushy, but be honest.

Fourth, seek help from people who have made it real priority in their life to deal w/ these kinds of topics & advice. There are a ton of great materials out there. As a Christian, these are the ones that helped me the most. For Books Sheila Gregoire - The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau - A Celebration of Sex Francis & Lisa Chan - You & me forever [I adore this book! Great for the spiritual connection that encourages spouses to be spiritually active] Kevin Leman - Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage [Another I love] Tim Kimmel - Grace Filled Marriage: The Missing Piece [This helped us both through a rough patch; the timing was perfect for us on this one.] For blogs http://forgivenwife.com/ she speaks to my situation & does so far better than I could. https://www.hotholyhumorous.blogspot.com/ Parker has an amazing talent for dealing w/ women's sexual issues. She is so encouraging. http://www.the-generous-wife.com/  &��www.the-generous-husband.com are both excellent sources of information & encouragement. Paul & Lori also run themarriagebed.com which I am a HUGE fan of. If you follow me on Gab or Twitter, I post/repost about them all the time. For Sex exploration http://www.christianfriendlysexpositions.com/ is a great resource for position ideas. http://www.marriagebed.tips/ gives excellent advice on things to try in bed. I hope that helps you some. May God heal your relationship & bring insane amounts of pleasure to your marriage bed. Edit & Update: Maurine made a great comment on Gab. “Sometimes it is simple things like good hygiene, doing chores so she has energy. Date nights...“ That is so good. Personally, I craved the emotional connection. I was ok w/ date nights happening infrequently & didn’t mind it being a cheap restaurant & a movie. But now, our monthly date nights are things that I really look forward to because we connect on so many more levels. Also, when hubby does chores off my to do list, that is sexy. :-)